See No Evil

World Wrestling Entertainment (formerly the WWF) is a money-making empire. Not only does it have two weekly television programs, a monthly Pay Per View event, countless unaired square-circle matches across North America, but the endless stream of merchandise. From blu-rays of past performances and career highlights, to t-shirts and action figures, Slurpee cups and it just goes on and on.. and on. WWE Films began in 2002, producing three feature length films that highlight Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) in the beginnings of his acting career. In 2006, they expanded by choosing to support direct-to-dvd films that feature more of their wrestlers, but also in being the sole producers for a variety of titles: The Condemned, The Marine, and 12 Rounds.

See No Evil is their only venture into the horror genre and that’s not to say it’s because it was a complete failure. More than anything, what would be responsible is that in last few years, the company decided to become more family oriented, removing blood from their bouts and promoting a PG/PG-13 friendly show and with that all of their attached businesses.

SYNOPSIS

A bunch of bad apples are guided by a former cop to an abandoned hotel where they will work for a weekend in hopes to have time shaved off of their sentence. What they don’t know is that within the bowels of the dilapidated building is a hulking killer just waiting for the next buffet of delectable souls to reap. He has a giant hook on a chain and has an obsession with collection eyeballs.

*Yawn*

I really don’t have anything else to put here.

This makes me sad.

THOUGHTS

There are so many things wrong with this movie, I’m not really sure where to begin. I’d like to touch on the religious undertones that they essentially try to shove down the audiences throat and pass a reason for a big, slow dope of a man to go on a killing rampage. Apparently, his mother – who is a hardcore Christian, locks him up when she finds him looking at pornography and tells him to look at their eyes and ‘see their sin’. I’m getting tired of people using faith in a negative context, especially in such a lazy and half-thought out way. It was like the writer realized they needed to offer the viewers something else and snapped his fingers together and went, “Ah! A religious twist!”

Caged & Confused

The acting is terrible, and I can’t really blame the cast because the script also reeks of old jokes, stereotypes and relies heavily on all the horror movie basics. What bothered me – and this might seem a little picky – but all of these people are suppose to have been in a county prison and yet when they’re released to clean up a hotel, the girls are in heels, tank tops and fishnets and the guys have their gold chains and sweater vests. Shouldn’t they have been given overalls or something? It seems really fussy to pick that out, but when the rest of the film is so terrible, I notice the details.

Death comes, but none of the gore is original – not to mention that a lot of it is done on the computer, because apparently there wasn’t room in the budget for red dye and corn syrup? The hotel is also overdone, in the sense that it’s all old and falling apart, rust and muck everywhere like no one has ever lived in it and yet seven people are suppose to clean it up over the course of a weekend?

I'll Poke Your Eye Out!

Lets not even get into the ‘twist’ at the end of the film. Spoiler Alert! The woman who arranges for the delinquents to come and tidy up the place? Yeah, she the big scary man’s mother and lures them here so that her son can show them the errors of their ways, that sinning is a bad thing.

*Eye Roll*

VERDICT

No. Just No.

I feel stupid for choosing this movie. Brendon and I watched the Elimination Pay Per View this weekend and I thought that it would be funny. I was wrong.

Netflix Rating: *1/2
My Rating: 0

Yeah – I’m not even going to give it a star. It’s that bad.

FRIGHTENING FACTS

I don’t have any amusing facts – so what I’m going to do – is post pictures of the wrestlers from the premier for the film and make terrible puns.

No Shirt? No Shoes? No Sequel.

I bet his Heart was Breaking after he Saw This.

I Can Totally See You, Bro.

It Kills Me That He Went In His Make Up. Gooooooooldust!

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