Rule #34: Batman XXX, A Porn Parody

Just like Fight Club, Vegas, and any other hive of senseless gratification, the Internet has it’s own set of rules.  The 34th rule is this: “There is porn of it.  No exceptions”.  You’re about to discover just how true that statement is.

Welcome one and all to the very first of my Rule 34 posts, something I hope can one day find its way into that illustrious ‘Columns’ drop down menu way up there.  If you haven’t managed to guess it by now, yes, I will be watching and reviewing parody porno of all genres, from the excellent to the downright uncomfortable.  So to kick our journey into these filthy depths off, I decided to start with the porno that may not have started the genre, but certainly defined it; Batman XXX: A Porn Parody (NSFW, as if you needed to be told).

Batman XXX comes to us from Italian director Axel Braun who, as the reigning king of porn parodies, is going to be making constant appearances throughout these posts.  This wasn’t his first parody.  His adult version of Happy Days, Charmed, Beverly Hills 90210, and Saved by the Bell all predate and are as pitch perfect as Batman, but none went quite as mainstream.  None made the splash (hah!) that Batman XXX did.  It was the most successful porn of the year, practically sweeping the AVN Awards and spawning a whole new title line from Vivid Video (who produced the film) to be headed by Braun himself; Vivid Superhero.  Thanks largely to the widespread success of Batman XXX (which, like Pirates, even saw fit to release a sex-free version so everyone could enjoy it), Vivid’s profits now account for roughly $100 million of the $13 billion porn industry.  Batman XXX changed not only it’s parent company, but parody porn as a whole.

There’s a reason the film got this much attention and had this much influence.  From the standpoint of parody, it’s absolutely perfect.  The costumes, the sets, the actors, even the writing.  That’s right people, I just complimented the acting and the writing of a porno.  But I can’t help it.  It was like watching an actual episode of the show that just had a tendency to descend into 20 minute sex scenes.  Most parody porns latch themselves onto a popular success, twist up the title, and then give you a run of the mill porno that maybe has a single relative costume or prop.  Not Batman XXX.  Robin makes copious use of his “Holy [ridiculous noun/verb] Batman!” trademark, their Joker sports a concealed mustache beneath his make-up in honor of Cesar Romero’s refusal to shave his own, the fight scene is complete with the massive sound effect bubbles, and an opening sequence featuring a Batmobile so spot on for a moment I thought they’d stolen some actual footage.  But no, they rented it.  That’s right, they went out and actually rented a working Batmobile replica…for a porno.  Also, BATUSI!

But on to the part people are actually (supposedly) watching this for; the sex.  It’s all fairly formulaic in how it plays out; starts with a blow job and escalates from there.  There were a couple threesomes, so that was fun, but my favorite was when Robin and Batgirl decide to take advantage of a quiet moment mid-snooping.  The scene in the discotheque (yes, discotheque) is another stand out, if only because Alexis Texas has some seriously impressive junk in her trunk.  The ‘acting’ was mostly watchable.  Dale DaBone and Randy Spears (just got to take this moment to say how much I love porn star names) did an excellent Batman and Joker respectively, and everyone else pretty much got a free ride due to the campy callback (and Tori Black as Catwoman got a free ride due to the slink factor).  Randy Spears even managed to stay in character during the sex, demanding each of his gun moll’s “smile when [they] take [his] load”.  The one performance that fell flat for me was Evan Stone’s Riddler.  He just creeped me out, and not in a good way.  Being creeped out in regular Batman fare is excellent and almost expected.  Creeped out in a porno, not so much.  But everyone else was probably giving the performances of their careers.  Another impressive thing about this porno was that some people actually managed to stay in character during the sex.  The biggest stud in the whole things is, surprisingly enough, James Deen as Robin.  Most of the other guys just kinda sat there and let the girls do most of the work.  Not Robin.  He was the very definition of a power bottom…and now that I’ve actually typed that out I realize I’m not really that surprised after all.

Overall, Batman XXX: A Porn Parody, was a refreshingly good time.  There were some bumps at the beginning (I really didn’t want to first sex scene to be between creepy Evan Stone (who, Brendon will not be pleased to learn, is going to be playing Captain America in the Extreme Comixxx parody) and a generally bored looking Kimberly Kane, but it was), but it was quick to pick up from there.  It was fun and sexy and if nothing else, can be admire for how perfectly it parodies its source material.

Though, I did LOL quite a bit when Catwoman declared herself to be a ‘dirty bitch‘.  Spent the rest of the scene hoping for a ‘bad kitty’ comment.  Alas.

I guess that’s what the sequel is for!

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2 Comments

  1. Posted March 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    There are alot of parodies just a few weeks ago i saw star wars, the big bang theory pardoy

    • Shannon Archibald
      Posted March 8, 2012 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

      You’re right, it’s like porn parody season! I saw the first 5 minutes of Star Wars before I had to stop cause I was giggling too much. I’ll be sitting down to view and review it properly in the near future, and Big Bang Theory is certainly on the to-do list as well.

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