Lesbian Vampire Killers

One of my favorite sub-categories within the horror movie genre is: the comedy-horror film. The combination of the ridiculous with the terrifying can have an amazing pay-off when it’s done well. Shaun of the Dead. Fido. Evil Dead. Dead Alive. They’re just a couple examples of some of the best. Pop culture references peppered with witty (or very dry) humour drizzled in gore can be delightful and since laughter is one way that people fight off what scares them, they seem like a perfect combination.

“Yep, lesbian vampires. Just another one of God’s cruel tricks to get on my tits. Even dead women’d sooner sleep with each other than get with me it would appear. But eatin’ me alive, oh no, that’s fine. Next time he’ll have me bummed by a big gay werewolf I swear.” ~Fletch


Official Movie Poster

Many years ago, The Vampire Queen Camilla descended upon a small village, killing all of the men and seducing the women to evil. When the ruler of the land returned, he found his wife corrupted and vowed revenge. Forging a sacred sword, he killed the queen, but not before she cast a curse on his family line, stating that once the last of his bloodline crossed blood with a virgin, she would be resurrected.

Flash forward to present time, where we meet Jimmy and Fletch, best friends and social outcasts. Fletch is fired from his job and Jimmy is dumped by his girlfriend yet again. Down on their luck, the boys decide in a drunken stupor to go on an adventure, allowing a dart and map to determine their destination. They wind up in the same village where lesbian vampires create more of their kind and await the blood moon to bring back their queen.


She Sucks

I really thought that I was going to hate this movie. The title alone made my skin crawl and I was about to go all feminist on its ass, but you know what? It’s actually quite endearing. The two leads, who play the opposites attract best friends are funny, witty and charming in their own special way. This is all helped by the clever and quick dialogue penned by the writer. The story isn’t anything new, the combination of the legend and the modern world, evil needing to be slain, but because it was easy to follow, it leaves the viewers to enjoy all of the other aspects of the film.

Vampires with Implants?

There was nudity, but it wasn’t ever the focus – neither really was the fact that the vampires were lesbians (save for when they mentioned it directly), what made the vampires beautifully seductive was the costume and make-up. They all had a blue shimmer to them, long lashes, the fangs were small and realistic and they all wore these gossamer gowns that flashed skin and floated around them like ghosts. They were very much like the fanged temptresses from Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and I enjoyed the classic elegance about them.

The gore is a throwback to the Evil Dead series with the gross squishing sounds and sticky looking ooze spewing out everywhere and onto everyone. Out of all of the comedy-horror films, I think it most reminded me of the Raimi series. Vampires are killed left, right and centre and it’s all done with a humorous edge. One scene has a vampire being chopped in the head with an axe and she spins around, lunging for each friend and Fletch is consistently smacked with the weapon hilt. Slapstick at it’s finest.


Being completely over the top makes this film more enjoyable. A strong script, simplistic storyline paired with a quirky cast and gruesome death scenes will certainly have fans over the other sub-genre films wanting to check this out.

Netflix Rating: ***
My Rating: *** 1/2

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